"It's Hard" they said

And they were right. Being a doctor's wife is no picnic.

Maybe it will get better when his residency is over and he is no longer a slave to the hospital, that's what they say anyways. I'm still not so sure.

You know what's even harder than being a resident doctor's wife though? You do know right? I probably don't even have to say it, because it's probably the first thing that popped into your head.

Being a mom.

Waaay harder!

This morning our oldest daughter Samm came into our room with her neck cocked to one side and crying. She had stretched funny in bed and it completely seized up. This is the 2nd time this has happened to her although the first time it happened during a wrestling match with her brother, so she wasn't crying because she was scared, she was crying because she was in pain and she knew it meant laying in bed for the next two days unable to move her head.

I sent her around to the doctor's side of the bed though just so he could take a look and as he began touching her neck her eyes became filled with water all over again. She told us she didn't feel good, like she might throw up, so we sent her into the bathroom. And then we heard a thud.

She had come back around by the time we made it to her, but she was disoriented and didn't know why she was on the floor.

Every part of my mothering self wanted to rush her to the hospital. My baby was lying on the floor unable to move her head, and my husband just sat there looking at her as calm as could be. Thinking.

I wanted to yell at him "PICK HER UP! HELP HER!?" But I knew that it would scare Samm who was thinking straight again and now very upset. And I knew from experience that he was calm because that is what his training has taught him to do. He was assessing her symptoms and running through every possibility in his head. Not wanting to make a single wrong move.

He concluded fairly quickly that she wasn't in any immediate danger, but that it would still be best not to move her until he called one of the spine surgeons. So, I sat with her in the hallway, wiping tears off her cheeks and reassuring her that everything would be fine, even though I was still not convinced of that myself.

I could hear medical jargon going back and forth in the other room and after only a brief few minutes I heard my husband breath out just a little and say "OK." In a way that let me know that even though he had appeared calm and collected on the outside, he had not actually been calm until that moment.

The other doctor had agreed that she was not in any emergent danger and that it most likely was a pulled neck muscle and that she just needed some rest. But if we (me) needed peace of mind we could take her in for an MRI when she was feeling better.

Even though when I finally regained my straight thinking I was able to see that she really was going to be fine and that she most likely passed out because when my husband touched her neck it caused immense pain, I will still be taking him up on that MRI. Until then, my sweet girl is resting and enjoying unlimited ipad access!

Even on the longest days when the kids have been fighting, the house is a mess, and the family doctor doesn't make it home until after bedtime, watching your child's pain and not being able to take it away is still harder!